The Walmart Bunny Brawl
“The Walmart Bunny Brawl”
It all started on a sunny Saturday morning when George Jenkins, 62 years young and grumpier than a goose in a windstorm, wandered into Walmart to pick up a jar of pickles and a pair of orthopedic socks.
George wasn’t expecting much excitement that day—until he turned the corner by the frozen peas and came face-to-face with a six-foot-tall Easter Bunny.
“Good Lord!” George shouted, clutching his chest. “What in the name of prune juice is that?”
The Easter Bunny—aka Kyle, a 22-year-old seasonal employee trying to survive college—waved and cheerfully said, “Happy Easter, sir! Would you like a free chocolate egg?”
George squinted. “You call that a bunny? Back in my day, the Easter Bunny didn’t look like he was in a boy band!”
Kyle chuckled nervously. “Well, sir, times have changed. We’re all about inclusion and flair now.”
“Inclusion? Flair?” George grumbled. “You’re wearin’ glitter on your ears! That ain’t festive, that’s confusing!”
A small crowd had gathered now. A kid pointed at George and said, “Grandpa’s arguing with the Easter Bunny!”
The argument escalated.
“I don’t need some fancy rabbit telling me about Easter,” George barked. “I been huntin' eggs since Reagan was in office!”
Kyle crossed his fuzzy arms. “Sir, I’m just trying to spread joy.”
“Well, spread it somewhere else. I came for pickles, not sass!”
Just as Walmart security began to edge closer, a little girl toddled up, holding out a jelly bean.
George and the Bunny both paused.
She looked up at George and said, “You’re funny. Don’t be mean to the bunny.”
George blinked, his gruff exterior melting like a Cadbury cream egg on a dashboard. He looked at Kyle and sighed. “Sorry, kid. I guess I overreacted.”
Kyle smiled. “No worries, sir. It’s not Easter until someone yells at the bunny.”
They shook hands—well, George shook a fuzzy paw—and posed for a picture together under the clearance sign. George even took a chocolate egg… though he still insisted it tasted better back in 1986.
And from that day on, George never passed by a man in a bunny suit without offering him a nod of respect and a warning: “Watch out for little girls. They’ll straighten you out faster than security.”
